The land that nurtured me from birth is the Canadian shield, where water takes the shape of still, cold lakes and fast flowing rivers.
The sensuous salty sea doesn’t appear to be of my body’s vocabulary.
I am attracted to her with the innocence and the eagerness of a child. I come to her with reverence and curiosity.
I hear her tremors already, slow-coming.
I come to her in the beautiful islands of Greece.
Hypnotized by the beauty of her impressive soundscape.
Powerful and loud gifts, fragile detailed noises.
I enter dreamtime with the sound of her breaths.
Movement of the waves and stillness of the rays.
Flowing gulps and humming of the heat.
Fluid water and fire immobile.
I lay in the perfect balance of sun and moon.
Who were her ancient goddesses whose many names we have forgotten?
Along with Clarissa Pinkola Estés, I call her Mother, Madre, María, la mar, la mer, la mère.
Her blue and white robes might well be the same as the Virgin Mary’s.
In churches across Europe, I feel the urge to kneel in front of her open arms.
And I feel the witches in the fire, and cry.
I cry for all the misunderstandings, uses and abuses of her giving birth and keeping such purity, radiating unconditional love and feminine enduring compassion – the gift of the mother.
I cry for all the bearded men, dressed in black and covered in gold, fenced in behind the altar and given so much power, who dare to stand next to her and write her story.
I am in awe, in love, I melt, and dive – I surrender to her pregnant belly.
I enter her womb and even as she swallows me, she holds me wonderfully bobbing up and down, back and forth in her arms, a rocking that comes and goes and still, keeps me afloat.
She dances and I float, follow her dance and pray.
Even in the shield of my interior mountains, I have always known her.
Joyful, playful femininity.
Her splashes take the shape of Maria’s long robes and her giant open arms hold the boat as my body moves to the rhythms of her dance.
She becomes dolphins and whales, an enormous naked body.
Diving in and out.
Protectress hovering in the wind and the breaking waves.
She’s all around me.
I feel safe in the unpredictable rocking of her waters.
Marie, her blue angelic wings foam in pleasure. Roll, ripple and dissolve. It’s a timeless back and forth, push and pull that takes me in, swelling up and down.
Singing a silent lullaby, melodies of fluidity, weight and fullness, and woah –
Absence of gravity.
Am I on the sea, in the sea, or outside, looking at her?
Is it the call back?
When I stare at the waves, there is nothing else than a dazed eagerness for their changing forms. Dissolution in sound.